Wish: (n)-a desire or hope for something to happen. 

As humans we wish everyday: for the coffee maker to brew faster, for the intersection light to turn green, for nine to five to end for the day, along with a few thousand more wishes. 

There are other moments, wishes, more few and far between that don’t just last the second of an intersection light change or even nine to five, but for days, weeks, months and even years. These wishes consume us and feel us with bubbly, butterfly feelings that we can’t wait to allow to transform our lives. And when these wishes do come to fruition, we just know that it will feel like a Disney wish come true.

Little do we expect to ever find ourselves wishing that we had been a little more careful about what we had wished for. Or at least more prepared for all that our wish entails. 

Writing this, I am currently thirteen weeks pregnant. I have personally wished for over a year to be pregnant-I planned, wished and prayed for the day to come when I could join the many women and families around me bringing new life into their families...and then it happened. 

Initially I was happy, and a big part of me continues to be, but I have slowly watched myself in the last few months fall into what I didn’t even know to exist or expect. 

For so long I had wished to be pregnant and here I am with my wish, so grateful for my little miracle, while the other half of me is drowning in prenatal depression. It’s messy, joyful and sad and a few thousand other emotions I seem to be having all at the same time as my pregnancy progresses-side effects of a wish that I still am so grateful is coming true while trying to figure it out at the same time. 

Wishing is fickle and hardly turns out the way we plan it out in our minds; almost if not entirely straying us further and further from ever wanting to wish, dream or hope ever again. 

As someone who is in the depths of a fickle wish come true, I promise that even when it’s not what I expect, I will keep wishing because there is good and there is light even amidst the dark we might sometimes swim laps through. 

I won’t stop wishing and I hope you don’t either.

With all my love,

Chloe Allen